It lunch hour and the BOFH is not in. I saw him leave just after the janitor went in to the sysop room. The must confer. That janitor likes to bust in on people in the restrooms.

So.. what do I do. I grep all the e-mail readers for erotic word.

What? Has the Bastard User From Hell gone in for porn. NNNOOO.

After a quick scan, I see who is writing to who. There are userids I recognize. The others I run through the userid cross check file for names.

This will make good blackmail material for a few favors when it comes time to get things done.

Oh..... there is one from a junior who stood me up on a date. Well..... she is doing what with who. Make a copy and send to Western Union for a express delivery to her parents.

Being the BASTARD USER FROM HELL means getting back for the date who stood you up.

I go in and reset everyone elses priority to super slow. The BOFH had it set to slow already. He should not notice the difference. Mine is set to fast.

I am having problem saving that 47MEG graphics program with animation.

Lets see, who is not here.

Oh... here is that TA's file from the Econ class. Econ is a mandatory taker. The TA is a jerk and does not let up.

Well, lets just get into his account. My! Is this his thesis for the bachaloer committe? Well we will just do a "mv *.* /bin/bitbucket"

Good, that frees up 7MEG of space. No problem

Being the BASTARD USER FROM HELL means never waiting for disk space.

Oh No, the BOFH is back.

Someone phones in.. lets see what he does.

Something about saving documents. Jeeze she is not crying the BOFH must be having a mental lapse.

WHAT????!!!!!. All the files on this disk dissappeared. Why that little no good for nothing BOFH.

I had two important files (crypto craker and list of userid w/passwords) on that disk.

Well, tranfer to another userid (you can never have enough) and run that undelete program. Lets hope he isn't watching the screen.

Bingo. Now if I can just reserve the rest of this disk.

Rats, only 478 MEG avalible. Darn, I wanted 500. Oh well can't be to greedy now.

Some guy calls in and ends up walking away sobbing.

After a productive day I leave.

On the way home (to my home, mortgage all paid, gee isn't being a BUFH so much fun) I see an ambulance and and a bunch of guys in white coats.

Someone says something about some lady screaming she will get the BOFH for what he did to her computer and files.

Gald to see I am not the only one working on that.

I get in and login on the computer at home using my rentee password and his CompuServe id. Route it through a jerks userid at school. Going to be a long weekend with him away. Best part is someone else will get the blame.

Being the BASTARD USER FROM HELL means never paying for access time.

Author: John W. Fox
HTML: Cord Beermann